Bleached Bleach
by kirinelf
Summary: Zanpakutou Mix-Up! Don't you just love 'em? Might have some spoilers though, so those who don't follow the manga, don't read.
1. Strawberry

Meh, I was bored, so I decided to write a few short drabbles on Bleach. Remember, it ain't mine! Everything here belongs to Kubo Tite, all I did was mix up the order.

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Kurosaki Ichigo was in a bind

Kurosaki Ichigo was in a bind. A wrap. Tighter than chains. Why? Put it this way. He was cornered in a tight place with ten Hollows on his tail. No problem, Zangetsu can cut through them with ease. Problem? Well, he didn't have Zangetsu. Now that sucked. It blowed as well, but that's besides the point. The newly instated Captain of the Fifth Division didn't like it. I mean, c'mon. A Captain, caught without his zanpakutou by ten Hollows? What a riot. Instant demotion, and Rukia'll never talk to him again.

Speaking of the petite shinigami, Ichigo glanced down at his hand. The familiar zanpakutou that had stabbed him through the heart back when they had first met was firmly in his grasp. Now how had that come into his possession? Oh yeah, Rukia told him to bring it to her. Her fault for leaving it in the Material World in the first place. Well, it was a simple trip. There and back. Hell butterflies've checked the Dangai, and no Sweepers'll be in that week. So he'd neglected to bring Zangetsu. Okay. So let's look on the bright side.

He had a weapon. A sword no less. True, it wasn't his, but hey. It's still a sword. Can't complain. His hazel eyes narrowed as he assessed the Hollows, creeping slowly towards him, all too aware of the weapon he held. His Captain haori helped too, made him look powerful. Too bad he knew jack all kidou. These guys'd be toast if he did. Ichigo tensed. The lead one was about to pounce. Not too bright too, had a look around him that reminded him of Ganju. That made him want to laugh. Alright. Bad time for humour. Let's get this over with.

He leapt forward, natural strength enabling him to easily disembowel one Hollow. Nine to go. With a spinning kick, he slammed the second one deep into the ground, where Rukia's zanpakutou impaled its mask, destroying it as he ducked the claws of a third. But even as he ducked, the claws shredded the air above him, neatly taking off a few strands of hair.

That did it. Ichigo never did like people playing around with his hair. Without even thinking, he brought Rukia's zanpakutou to bear. _"Mae, Sode no Shirayuki!"_ he shouted, as he'd heard Rukia shout so many times before. Dance, Sleeve of White Snow. Even the name and release phrase sounded cold. He wasn't really expecting anything to happen, I mean, this wasn't his zanpakutou. Well, he was in for a shock.

Ice flooded the thin dark alleyway he was in, transforming the place into a multicoloured light show as the ice reflected light from the outside. Pretty. But not exactly safe. For the Hollows that is. They were frozen before Ichigo's astounded eyes, ice creeping around them freezing them in place before surrounding them, stopping them in time as they ceased to draw breath.

Ichigo brought the sword he held up to the light, certain that what had happened was just an illusion, and that he was holding Rukia's sealed zanpakutou. His eyes widened as he saw the most beautiful zanpakutou in Soul Society, a pure white sword from blade to pommel, plus a long untarnished ribbon that flowed from the pommel itself. Even as he watched, the sword, sensing that it need intervene no longer, sealed itself, and the ice melted away into nothing. Weird? Very much so.

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	2. White Bird

Kurosaki Ichigo was in a bind

Kuchiki Rukia wasn't really having a better time. Kuchiki Byakuya, her brother, had left Senbonzakura behind in an uncharacteristically airhead way. That in itself was worrying, since Byakuya never let Senbonzakura out of his sight, not normally or by choice. Explosions coming from the west wing of the spacious Kuchiki Estate was a little unusual too.

Then she heard it. The familiar keening scream of a Hollow. Now, Hollows don't come to the Kuchiki Estate. They don't even come to Soul Society. It's a VERY dumb Hollow that willingly walks into the home of its nemesis, and an EXTREMELY dumb Hollow to waltz into the home of one of the most powerful Captains of the Gotei 13. The dumbness factor goes off the scale when you reckon in the fact that the Kuchiki Estate is right up in the noble area of Seireitei, surrounded by powerful shinigami, not to mention the spirit absorbing rock that formed the wall of the White City. So that was one dumb Hollow.

Not to say it wasn't effective though. After all, it HAD gotten past all their defences. And her adoptive brother lacked his zanpakutou at the moment. Sure, he had kidou, was darn good at it in fact, but he always fought best with his partner in death dealing, and the most dangerous cherry blossoms in all of Soul Society couldn't agree more. Problem is… where the heck was he?

Well, no use hanging around waiting for the rain to fall, or whatever proverb she can think of. Much better to go out and try and find her wayward brother. If her memory served right, he must've consumed about a bottle of sake the other night. Her heart felt a sudden pang. That was the night, the night that was anniversaries for both of them. The anniversary of the day Hisana left her. The day Byakuya married her. The day she died. The day Rukia had been adopted into the Kuchiki family. Funny how they all managed to happen on the same day. It was also the one day Byakuya's composure slipped. It hurt, seeing her brother like that. But she didn't have a choice.

The Hollow's roar sounded again, much closer this time. That was weird. Why hadn't Byakuya destroyed it by now? Surely a common Hollow stood no chance against a Captain? Even a Captain with a hangover? He could fire off level 80 spells without the incantation and still pack a big punch for crying out loud. The floor was starting to shake under her feet. She cursed under her breath. Only last week she'd had those floor boards replaced. That Hollow had better have insurance.

She ran out, her hand already held up wards as she quickly mouthed an incantation. _"Bakudou no Rokujyuu Ichi: Rukojou Korou!"_ That was good. A nice level 61 binding spell, six bars of light to hold the enemy in place. With a practised movement, she drew her brother's blade. It was notably heavier than her own, but nothing she couldn't handle. She was, after all, good enough to be a Seated Officer, even though Byakuya had pulled some strings so she could stay out of harm's way. She snorted. Fat lot of good that ever did.

The Hollow roared at her. Although immobile, Rukia could see the energy it was starting to gather around its mouth. Of course! Cero! That must be how it managed to get past the defences! Another thing she noticed was the lack of reiatsu the creature emanated. In a world as spiritually aware as Soul Society, lacking reiatsu could pretty much make you invisible. Well, that answered a lot of questions. Now, the burning question: Who was faster, her or the Cero beam?

Her feet answered for her, slamming into the ground with surprising force, propelling her away from the danger zone microseconds before the Cero beam reduced the floor boards to nothing. Oh boy. Bad move Hollow boy. She'd just replaced those boards, remember? Her eyes slid to Senbonzakura, where it lay immobile and lifeless-looking in her grasp. Surely…? She'd always wanted to say those fabled words. Who didn't? Anyways, it couldn't hurt, could it? She judged it couldn't. So she did.

"_Chire, Senbonzakura!"_ Scatter, One Thousand Cherry Blossoms. Pure sweetness in a phrase. How many people have longed to say those fabled words? Many people did, of course, but for all the good it did them, they might as well have called out for the legendary blade of the Captain-Commander, Ryuujin Jakka. Not her.

The sword responded, the blade melting away into pieces too small to be seen by the naked eye. However, the minute blades caught the light and scattered it off in all colours of the spectrum, although the dominant colour was pink. It was a Byakuya thing. The only male to look good in pink. Many others have tried to pull it off, but the closest anyone'd ever come to succeeding was Kyouraku Shunsui, with his own pink haori. Not that he looked GOOD in it, but hey, at least he managed to pull it off.

Too bad the same couldn't be said of the Hollow. Senbonzakura decided to do a little fashion statement and wrapped around it like a cloak, the miniature but razor sharp blades cutting into it and reducing it to slush in so many seconds. Pick a harder target next time.

Judging that the killing was over, the sword flakes gathered together, hovering over the hilt of Senbonzakura that Rukia held. With a soft whisper like the wind through the sakura blossoms, it glided down, reforming the slender blade of the zanpakutou. Rukia's eyes stayed wide the rest of the day.


	3. Hot Blood

Kurosaki Ichigo was in a bind

Kuchiki Byakuya had many reasons for his sake indulging and subsequent hangover. Yes, the anniversary of his wife's marriage and death was one reason, but Abarai Renji, his… lieutenant, as it were, had, as usual, mucked up the 6th Division records. Not unusual, but certainly not wanted. And guess who had to fix it up? A week of almost no sleep or food. Nightmare. Yes, sake was a most relished drink in those times.

He strode along, his face emotionless even as a raging headache smote him. After all, he was the Cold Captain. Oh yes, he'd heard those tales, whispered words spoken behind a cupped hand in the dark corridors. But it helped his image as a merciless warrior, which in a way, he guessed he was. But then again, only Hisana ever knew his gentle side. His hot-blooded self though, he had left behind him in his journey from boy to man.

Dimly, he heard explosions from behind him, in the Kuchiki Estate. His head still pounding, he struggled to make sense of it. Then the screeching roar of a Hollow tore through the sky, and his eyes opened wide, a show of incredible expression for one who was as cold as ice. The first thought that sped through his mind: Rukia!

Instinctively, every trace of pounding head or aching brain gone from his being, his hand dropped down to his waist, where his faithful blade, the Sakura Empress, Senbonzakura usually hung. He cursed as his hand smote empty air. How careless! Stupid, stupid, stupid! No more bottles of sake from now onwards, he was sticking to cups.

Quite completely forgetting his mastery of shunpo, he started to run, towards the sound of the Hollow. It roared again, and his pace quickened as he heard the incantation and the rise of reiatsu that heralded a kidou spell, and he saw the flash of golden light. Ah, his favourite Binding Spell, Six Bars of Light. Trust Rukia to be calm enough to use a high level spell in such a situation. His chest swelled with pride, then he heard the roar again. Okay, maybe this wasn't going to be so easy after all.

An explosion occurred, and this time, Byakuya was close enough to feel the reiatsu. His eyes widened again. Cero. This just was NOT his day. He continued running, his mouth already moving as he muttered the incantation for Kurohitsugi, Black Coffin, the level ninety Destructive Spell. Time to deal some major hurt to this bastard.

Then he heard it. At first, he thought she must've been joking. Apparently not. He heard the name of his own zanpakutou, the release phrase he had used so often, and felt the surge of reiatsu as the peals sheared the Hollow to oblivion. Not something you see everyday. Or in his case, felt. Behind him, he heard another roar. Just how many of them were there? In HIS territory? His eyes alighted on the huge unsealed zanpakutou leaning against the wall where Ichigo had left it on his journey to retrieve Sode no Shirayuki. It'll have to do.

Channelling reiatsu into his hands so he could lift the huge blade with ease, he, for the first time, really appreciated the strength of the man he guessed would be his future brother-in-law. That was one huge sword. He turned to face his adversary, a huge brute of a dog-like creature with an ugly afro. The Captain frowned, so slightly that it was almost impossible to see. He couldn't bear such ugliness in his Estate. I mean, a dog with an afro? Granted, he wasn't a narcissist like that peacock from the Eleventh, but he was nowhere near as flippant as the Captain of the same Division. I mean, seriously. Wearing a jagged and torn haori that was soaked in blood? No fashion sense whatsoever. Absolutely appalling.

The Hollow roared, and pounced. It had obviously never read the Hunter's Book of Hunting. Where the heck was the stalk? It went straight from intimidating to the strike. Despicable. Even normal Hollows like to freak their potential victims out by shadowing their every move. Too bad this wasn't a potential victim. The technique might've worked otherwise.

Byakuya side-stepped, slashing outwards with the Moon Slasher. His natural reiatsu wasn't as high as Ichigo's, but his _trained _reiatsu was way higher. The orange-haired oaf'd always had a bit of a problem with authority. The huge blade sheared almost absently through the sinewy muscles of the Hollow, even as the jaws clamped shut inches above his hair. Spittle flecked the Captain's hair, and, to his horror, both the _kenseikan_ he wore on his head and the scarf around his shoulder. There went ten houses down the drain. And that was just the scarf.

True to his title, Byakuya's face showed nothing more than a slight tightening. But those who knew him would know that meant Byakuya was _not_ happy. _NOT _happy. The Hollow'd be very smart to start running now. But it was dumb. It attacked the Kuchiki Estate, remember?

"_Hadou no Kyuujyuu: Kurohitsugi."_

The iron-maiden like spell wrapped the Hollow in black shreds of energy, the Captain's emotionless face looking tighter by the moment. Spears of the same black energy appeared all around it, then with a sudden movement, impaled it through. The scream of the Hollow echoed around the estate. But Byakuya was far from finished. Acting on the hot blood of his youth, he raised Zangetsu over his head. _"Getsuga Tenshou."_

Swinging it down, to his own mild surprise, a huge roaring wave of white energy lashed out, smashing into the Hollow and smashing it into the wall, destroying it utterly. Game over. Now to see about fixing up his _kenseikan_ and scarf. Why the zanpakutou had reacted to him was another matter.


	4. Snake Man, Miserable Tail

Kurosaki Ichigo was in a bind

Abarai Renji yawned. He was bored. As punishment for messing up his Division's records, he had been put on guard duty. The reiatsu of the Hollows had come as a surprise: He had barely drawn Zabimaru when it got knocked out of his hand. Kira Izuru, who was on duty with him, managed to retain his grip on Wabisuke, and cut down a Hollow, deeming it unnecessary to unseal. But another unforeseen attack from the back forced the Vice-Captain of the Third Division to relinquish his hold on his zanpakutou.

Renji's first thought was mommy. His second thought was that he'd kill the Kidou Corps members who were in charge of the Senkaimon, the gate that connected the World of Souls to the World of Flesh and Blood. His third thought was something that can't be put down in words for fear of offending others.

He ducked to one side as Izuru sent a bolt of white energy raging over his head, nearly singing his famous pineapple-like hairstyle, but before he could turn and tell Izuru exactly what he thought of him, he saw a sword come hurtling through the Hollows, along with a cry from Izuru. "Abarai-kun! Take your sword!" Like he needed Izuru to tell him.

Snatching it up, he whirled around to see a veritable army of Hollows bearing down on him. He cursed, reminding himself again that there would be a very angry red-headed Vice-Captain among the Kidou Corps this time tomorrow. The Vice-Captain of the Sixth Division held his sword in his traditional opening stance, sliding his hand down the length of the blade. _"Hoero, Zabimaru!" _At that same moment, Izuru shouted, _"Omote wo agero, Wabisuke!"_

Well, the Snake Tail _did_ roar. Just not in Renji's hands. And the Miserable Man _did _raise his head. Just not in Izuru's hands. And before Renji could curse again, the Hollows were on them.

Twice Renji had to duck flailing blows from the clearly inept Izuru, and he himself misgauged the distance the Hollows were from him numerous times, used to the incredible length Zabimaru could grow to. Still, between the two of them and a few helpful kidou blasts, they managed to force them back.

Gradually though, Renji got used to the weight doubling effect of his partner's zanpakutou, using it to bring down tonnes of rock over an enemy, although the 'tonnes of rock' was just one pebble, with the weight multiplied over a thousand times as Renji juggled it. Izuru, on his part, managed to control the whip sword somewhat, and the zanpakutou lashed out in more accurate lashes, ripping into Hollows from a large distance away.

Finally, a large Shakkahou blast cleared away the last of the Hollows, both Vice-Captains breathing slightly heavier from the exertion of fighting with an unfamiliar weapon and the usage of the level 31 Destructive spell. They glanced at each other, and sheepishly handed the zanpakutou back to their proper owners. As they did, the blades resealed themselves, and the two shinigami, lost for words, could only stare at each other.


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